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Spring Edition 2007

Volume 2, Issue

Seven Steps to Learning the Language of Sex to Improve Your Sex Life

 

Krista A. Bloom, PhD, LCSW

The Language of Sex is a language that we learn by trial and error, or not at all. Did you know that learning how to talk about sex can improve your sex life? The language of sex has traditionally been an unspoken language as far as talking goes, but the body language aspect has remained strong behind closed doors. The language of sex has either consisted of silence or scandals.

Sex has been a taboo topic for over a thousand years. Maybe you whisper about sex and romance to your best friends, chat online or read about sex, but sex remains largely a sinful subject. And yet the whole world seems to know who is sleeping with Brad, Angelina, Jen, or Ben in the tabloids, and on TV. The media/Hollywood version of sexuality is not a fair commentary about what happens in the bedroom.

Talking about sex with your partner  or communicating in some way about sex may seem scary at first, but it can help you improve your sex life. So how can you and your partner begin to break taboo and talk?

Here are the seven steps to the language of sex as a beginner’s guidebook to this hot topic.

Step 1: Give yourself permission to learn the language of sex. No one taught you how to speak it before; it’s a fantastic time to learn now. Work through the fear; you have a right to have a happy sex life!

Step 2: Make a list of what you already know about sex. Whether it is one fact or a hundred things, just jot down some notes about it.

Step 3: Think about the things that you most enjoy doing sexually. Write down the top 3 things you like to do sexually. If you are unsure of what those are, think back to your favorite experiences that involved intimate touching.

Step 4: Try reading the list aloud to yourself about what you enjoy sexually. You can also add in what else you would like to try sexually.

Step 5: Think of ways that you could share your desires with your partner. Practice saying aloud: “What I really enjoy is when we…..” (You fill in the blanks; it’s your sex life after all!)

Step 6: Invite your lover to a sexy and romantic date so that you can start practicing the language of sex together (this is the fun part!)

Step 7: Try different techniques to express yourself! Start slow and go easy at first. You can write a short note for them to read, or whisper in their ear, or show them what you enjoy with your body. Think about the ways your partner likes to receive things, and what they respond to.

Learning the language of sex may be a bit awkward in the beginning, but it gets easier and you may find that the sex gets hotter for both of you, because you are able to have more fun together. One last tip: if you ask your partner a couple of questions about what turns them on, you will really crank up the heat.

Copyright © 2006 - 2009.  Healing Couch, Inc.

wp2a06d366.jpg Ask the Sex Therapist Column

Krista Bloom, PhD, LCSW;               

Certified Sex Therapist, serving South Florida

Question:  How can I improve my sex life?  Do you have any tips for me on how to keep things interesting for us as a couple? 

The quick answer to this question is, it depends!  Every person has sexual needs or affection needs.  There is no right or wrong type of sexual activity.  It’s all based on who you are as a person, and whether or not you are match.  Here are some tips to enhance what you might already be doing in (or out of) the bedroom.

1.       Talk sexy.  Let your partner know what you would like to do to them.  Sometimes you can use intrigue, and set up a surprise for them. 

2.       Offer a massage.  Massage is great for circulation, relaxation, and getting in the mood for love for many couples.  Try warming up some scented massage oil in your hands.  Use slow, firm strokes up and down your partners back, legs, arms, and feet.  This is a technique sure to heat up anyone’s day or night.

3.       Read an erotic story:  Most bookstores carry erotic story books.  Select one and have your partner close their eyes while you read a sensual story to them. 

4.       Play in a hot shower.  Hot showers are a great place to take your time caressing, kissing and giggling together.  You can even turn out the lights and turn on the candles. 

5.       Try on a new role.  How about some fantasy role play for you?  You can pick out parts to play for the night and act out your sexual fantasies together. 

Your ability to ‘get in the mood’ even when you’re not initially can go a long way to improve your sex life.  Take a risk; try something new! 

If you want to have a great sex life, then you need to put energy in that direction.  Many couples I see have different ideas about sexuality, and need some guidance or coaching through these issues.  The important thing is to learn what you like and how to get your needs met! 

Got Sex Questions?  Send them to DrBloom@healingcouch.com.  You could see the answer magically appear in the next column! 

Fun And Fabulous Returns to Hustler

  • Workshop and special book signing of The Ultimate Compatibility Quiz for Couples, Find the Green, Red and Black Flags in Your Relationship!
  • Free audio CD raffles and other Special Offers
  • Limited seating is still available for RSVP's to DrBloom@healingcouch.com

 

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Copyright © 2006 - 2009.  Healing Couch, Inc.

For additional information, please contact

Krista Bloom, Ph.D., LCSW

 

Tel: (754) 234-6991     FAX: (954) 749-0606

 krista@healingcouch.com

For comments about the website, please e-mail webmaster@healingcouch.com .

Copyright © 2006 - 2009.  Healing Couch, Inc.

Krista Bloom, Ph.D., LCSW

Last modified: 10/27/09